I Am Phella

Last week was crazy for me. The above picture kind of sums up the whole thing. Let’s go down the list.

Monday - Started off with the young lady that I thought for sure was “the one” making it clear to me that she wasn’t the one. That same night I had some crazy guy trip me while playing basketball. I fell on my elbow and scratched it up pretty nice. A few minutes after that another guy and myself collided shins. Once again, a nice bruise to show for it.

Tuesday - Not too bad. Just a $125 parking ticket and I think I spilled some milk or something. Also cut my finger while trying to peel a potato.

Wednesday - I returned to playing basketball. Before I could get to the gym a fire truck was coming my way and the only way to avoid it was to back into some hard snow. Of course the snow dented my rear bumper. Cost to fix? $350. I still go the gym nonetheless because basketball and running are my best stress relievers. This time no shins collided and no one tripped me. Some Edwards Scissorhands person did cut my wrist and drew a bit of blood. On the drive home someones car kicked up a rock that landed on my windshield and cracked it. Cost to replace? $240.

Thursday - At this point I just stayed home to regroup. No basketball, no knives, and no driving. Death was obviously next and I’m not ready to check out just yet.

Friday - I attempted to help someone jumpstart their car. Some how the jumper cables caught fire. Came within seconds of burning me and my car up. Thank God I saw the smoke and quickly took them off.

Then I went out that evening. Hung out for a few hours and had dinner at Park At 14th. Nice little spot in DC. The weather that day was just right. My music in the car was just right. It felt good. So good that I had forgotten all about the disastrous week that was.

From Friday to now, which is exactly a week, nothing but good fortune has come my way. I’ve been in a great groove. I guess the moral of the story is that the world goes on. It’s up to you to go on with it or stop and worry about your problems. Two good quotes I try to live by: “Be too busy in the day to worry and too tired by night to worry”. “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.

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I woke up this morning like most of you probably did; thinking where do I start? If you are buried in snow like most of us on the east coast then you were wondering where and how to start digging yourself out. If you were in Florida, California or somewhere without snow then you probably asked yourself the same question but about something else.

We always want to know where and how to start, will we ever be able to finish, how difficult will it be, will we be laughed at etc. It’s a broken record at this point but we need to just get up and do it. Whatever it might be.

People asked me “where will you start?”. They said I should think about paying people because it’s impossible to single handedly shovel 2 feet of snow alone. “It can’t be done”, they said. I even doubted myself. I came up with a million excuses - my bad shoulder, the cold, the amount of snow that’s out there, the fact that I have a garden shovel that’s half of the size of a real snow shovel. Excuses that upon further review made no sense. You don’t even use a shoulder to shovel; it’s more so bicep and wrist. Yes having a small shovel would make it harder but you’re not always going to have the proper resources or help to achieve your goals. Should that stop you? No.

I put aside the doubt and went out there. Yes it was difficult. Yes I slipped once or twice. But the more I went the more my body adjusted. I learned strategies that made it easier and faster. Soon I even began to enjoy the shoveling. Two hours later, I looked up and I could see the driveway and walkway again. It wasn’t pretty, but I got it done.

In life, you can either get up and shovel or it sit back and watch those who have clear driveways.

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I believe it was October - I was driving home at about 6am after a very long night. I was close to home when all suddenly I heard a car horn then opened my eyes just in time to steer my car back in the right direction. I apparently had fallen asleep, turned on a wrong street, and was headed towards parked cars. Crazy right?

The crazy part is how someone just happened to be driving at that time, saw me sleeping, and had the presence of mind to beep his/her horn to wake me up. Also crazy is that I was so tired that I was on a street I had no business on; my house was two streets away.

The moral of that for me (other than not to sleep drive ever again) was that sometimes we’re headed towards trouble without knowing it and the least likely sources can be the ones to help us avoid it. Normally a person honking their horn at you is considered rude…..in this instant it saved my life.

Not getting a job, being dumped, missing a plane, and any other percieved shortcoming can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. Seems like a very cumbaya-ish way of looking at things but that’s what this life is all about - perspective.

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Let’s talk. Can we? You know, the way we used to do.

First off let me start by saying I enjoyed last nights GRAMMY awards ceremony. As an artist myself, a Grammy is our equivalent to a Super Bowl or NBA Championship. Unfortunately with the latter two, it’s all about your performance, where as with the Grammy’s, your faith lies in the hands of voters who could be wrong. Nonetheless it was a good show. Very balanced and filled with great moments. I personally liked the performance from Dave Matthews Band, the Green Day performance, Solange Knowles’ son’s speech, or lack thereof, Michael Jackson’s tribute and Jamie Foxx’s performance.

What made Jamie Foxx’s performance standout to me was the fact that he shared the stage with his sister who suffers from down syndrome. I’m sure the jokes poured in from several angles, especially online where an ‘lol’ or an ‘lmao’ is worth putting down another human being – that’s another story. What I’m getting at is that Jamie Foxx, amidst all his peers is not afraid to show the world what’s really important to him. Yes he likes to party, probably loves his sponsors, enjoys the company of a groupie from time to time but last night with just that simple move, the man showed character and courage. I applaud him.

Fear
That’s the elephant in just about all of our rooms. Ever wanted to do something but never quite got around to it? Procrastination you probably called it. Maybe even laziness. That could be the case, but more than likely it was fear. Humans are creatures of habit. Life shows us on an hourly basis that we can’t predict it but yet we try on a minutely basis to do so. We want to know what will happen, when, why, and how. In the absence of those answers, fear seeps in. Then the only way to avoid the perceived danger is inaction – not doing that thing that we want to do due to fear of the unknown.

I’m a fighter of fear. A lover of it, in the sense that I see fear and I go towards it. I say “hey fear what’s up? ain’t seen you in awhile. you think you’re gonna stop me from doing this, think again.” Then usually comes society. You know, your “friends”, friends, “family”, family, “team”, team, so on and so forth. The ones who really have their own personal best interest in mind as well as those who have yours. They indirectly or directly give you advise and suggestions that nurture that fear. That turns a small whisper to a loud echo in your head saying “don’t you dare try. you will fail. they will laugh. hahahaha.” Dare to ignore their misguided warnings and these friends, family, and team will look at you strange. You’ll possibly be labeled one of the following: Rebel, idiot, crazy, psycho, spoiled, immature, lazy (how ironic right?), angry, dreamer. They will support their advice with citations of history – telling you of times when others have failed.

My friends, please, don’t ever let fear guide your actions. Ever. I’m the embodiment of what happens when you wake up everyday and fight fear. I’ve done so since January 2007 and I’ll continue to do so for as long as I live. Now some would say, “who the hell is Phella to be giving this kind of advice? is he rich? is he successful?”. My answer first of all is that it’s not advice. I’m anti-advice. I may give suggestions, what I believe to be wisdom, knowledge, but never advice. I don’t know who’s reading this and what situation they’re in. To advice them would be silly. Secondly, no I’m not “rich” or even “successful” by the 2010 societal accepted definition. But yes, I am rich as hell and successful as hell by my own definition.

I have lost everything I ever thought I wanted and gained everything I truly needed in a matter of years. I worked so hard to please certain people, get certain things, go certain places, only to find out that those things weren’t even what I wanted. What I really wanted was THIS! Who I am today. Unfortunately and fortunately, I took the scenic route. The scenic route is good though, assuming you live to tell the story, you’ll see lots of things that will help define you when you arrive at THIS! Speaking of which, THIS isn’t a final destination – it’s fleeting. Meaning that you have to fight to keep it. Secondly, it’s lonely. You find yourself everyday trying to get others to join you, hence me typing this free write at 7:30AM. Most will shun you. Some may even react violently and accusing you of trying to change them. Change? Improve? Learn? Grow? God forbid we do that. We were born to stay the same, right?

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“It was about this time I conceived the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection. I wish’d to live without committing any fault at any time; I would conquer all that either natural inclination, custom, or company might lead me into. As I knew, or thought I knew, what was right and wrong, I did not see why I might not always do the one and avoid the other. But I soon found I had undertaken a task of more difficutly than I had imagined.” (Excerpt from The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin).

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I define that word simply as a strong feeling of lust we get before logic is applied. You can be infatuated with a $1000 jacket until you apply logic and realize that your rent needs to be paid. You can be infatuated with a young lady and think you want to marry her until you apply logic and realize she’s not quite the one. You can be infatuated with a certain lifestyle until you suddenly realize that you’re capable of much better.

Basically I’m learning not to act on infatuations. The only way to distinguish infatuation from the real deal is to give it time. Allow time for that logic to seep in. If you can’t apply logic then that means you truly love that thing or person, or you truly should be living that lifestyle. True feelings are unshakable. Logic can no longer be applied. This is how you know you’ve made that right song, met that right girl, found that right city to live in, and so and so forth.

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Gimme A Second I Swear!!!! The soundtrack to all things transitionary.Download It Here.

We’re all learning, growing, and changing. While we do this, people doubt us, laugh at us, and some of even try to stop us. Don’t fight them. Don’t argue with them. Don’t even try to prove your point. Just keep doing what you’re doing and tell them to give you a second, soon they shall see.

Disclaimer: Just saying “Gimme A Second I Swear” alone won’t work. You actually have to go out there and use that metaphoric second to become the best you can be.

If you’ve been rocking with me since day 1 you will see the growth on this project. We’ve come such a long way from 2 Sides To A Story, which ironically was released on July 14, 2007. What a difference two years makes. Still a far cry from where I want to be musically but the way is being paved gradually and the journey is quite fun.

If you’re new to Phella music then I hope you listen. If you listen I hope you feel it. If you feel it I hope you share with others so they can feel it as well. I don’t get on the microphone to hear my voice. I have things to say and I try to say them in the most interesting of ways. Some lines and verses will take weeks or months to fully understand while others simply will never be understood. That’s the fun part. That’s how the rap music I grew up on was crafted.

Thanks to J.Rob for tolerating my insanity and lending me his production to put my words to.

Thanks to DJ Laser for his assistance with this project as well overall just being a good dude that breathes this hip-hop culture.

And anyone else who supports my art in any form or fashion, thank you.

We’re only scratching the surface with this project. I can say “we” because for the first time I truly feel like I have a good group of people all striving towards similar goals as I. Give Us A Second, We Swear!

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Video blogging just might be the new way to go. Either way, here I discuss Michael Jackson’s impact on my life, the current lack of appreciation for artistry, and my plans to be part of the solution.

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