Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Posted on June 18, 2010 by phella

When your living conditions are such that you can’t just eat whatever you want whenever you want because bills are forthcoming, money isn’t sky high, and no one is around to feed you, you become very creative. So creative that you invent a hundred different dishes out of peanut butter, jelly, and bread. I always heard jokes about it but now I see firsthand for myself. If necessity is the mother of invention, starvation must be the father.

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The Devil’s Advocate

Posted on June 18, 2010 by phella

“Knew she was New Jersey, but said that she was Anaheim” – Lupe Fiasco

Evil doesn’t always visit us in the form of a red tail wagging thing with a pitchfork in it’s hands — that would be too obvious. More often than not, it comes in the form of those we love and that which we seek. Only when your faith is absolutely at it’s sharpest can you dissect the difference between a New Jersey Devil and an Anaheim Angel before it’s too late.

Example: Since I moved up here, to New Jersey nonetheless, things have been going good and bad. Good in the sense that my company and career are pointed in the right direction in just two months and I’ve seen growth that I know for a fact would have never happened if I stayed home. The bad, well, let’s just say the list is long. All the natural things that you can expect when a 22 year old is taken out of his element and lives in a space where he has basically no one to help him with anything.

Naturally, unsolicited advice starts to come in from all angles. “Maybe you should just go back to school”, “maybe you should just move back home”, “maybe you should go get a job”, etc. All great suggestions if I was to look at them on a surface level. All things that would make life so much “easier”. But there lies the problem; I’m not seeking easy. I’m actually chasing difficult. I’m chasing impossible. How is the easy road ever going to get me to the impossible? The answer is that it won’t. The easy road, taken by so many, will lead me to a lifetime of regret and resentment for those who encouraged me to take it.

What I’m basically saying is to always be cautious of what is being handed to you. If you’re on a path, stay on it until you yourself feel it’s time to change course. I’m not saying to disregard advice and opinions, that would be silly. I’m saying you should quickly be able to filter if advice is being given to you from a perspective that furthers your goals or disrupts them. A simple test is to assess the person who it’s coming from. If they’ve never experienced what you want to experience, never been where you want to go, don’t even come close to seeing your vision, then chances are high that their advice isn’t for you — even if you love them.

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2010, Not 1864

Posted on June 14, 2010 by phella

“there arose in some an irrepressible desire for freedom which no danger or power could restrain, no hardship deterred, and no bloodhound could alarm. This desire haunted them night and day; they talked about it to each other in confidence; they knew that the system which bound them was as unjust as it was cruel, and that they ought to strive, as a duty to themselves and their children, to escape from it“.

Source

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Jada – Tupac

Posted on June 11, 2010 by phella

jada

jada_tupac

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F*ck Your Bag Of Chips

Posted on June 9, 2010 by phella

Imagine if you were building a structure as great as the Eiffel Tower. Everyone agrees that they are in it for the long haul to build this wonderful thing. Day after day, they build and things look very promising. Suddenly one day, an important day at that, a few of the builders decide to slow down or stop all together. Everyone’s looking at them like “hey guys, why aren’t you working?”. They say nothing. “Hey guys, this building is very important; it’s going to feed our families and put us in the history books”, they say nothing. It becomes evident that these guys don’t share the same enthusiasm for completion of this structure. Upon further investigation it turns out that 3 weeks before this pseudo-strike, these guys had ordered Doritos during lunch break. The person in charge of food bought them Pringles because that’s all that was available. That’s the cause of the anger and lack of participation. Not only is this selfish act going to set the group back and slow down momentum of the project but it’s also not going to get them Doritos next time around, or even Pringles for that matter. The goal on day one was to build a great structure, not to eat chips.

I say this to say this. I’ve observed an overwhelming amount of people willing to throw away quality building over something so miniscule and irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. They don’t realize they’re throwing it away though; they usually think they’re proving some sort of point. Instead they end up causing the other person/people to adjust and figure out how to do it without them.

I think battles should be chosen wisely and fought even more wisely. Fighting the wrong battle has cost people money, jobs, spouses, and even their lives. I can speak on this because I’ve been through it firsthand. During my short stint at George Mason University I was able to work for a great man, Coach Jim Larranaga. He was the coach of the basketball team and a father figure/teacher to all of us. During practices, road trips, games, and anything pertaining to that seasons goal, the man would be a monster. So intense, so “mean”, “rude”, “disrespectful”, etc. I put those words in quotations because he was none of that. He was a man with a goal and he didn’t care about anyone’s feelings or emotions when it was time to work. He said what had to be said. As a result, that team shocked the nation and made the NCAA Final Four and will forever be in the history books as one of the smallest programs to make it that far. Coach L was also one of the most fun people to be around and he’ll buy you any bag of chips you wanted once the mission was complete.

I recently had two relationships end that had potential for greatness. One because I was thinking about my bag of chips and the other because someone else was focused on a bag of chips. In neither instance was it worth it. Be careful out there my friends.

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The Saddest Thing In Life…

Posted on June 7, 2010 by phella

Is wasted talent. At least according to Sonny in the movie “A Bronx Tale”. But I agree. Being giving a gift and not using it is a very sad thing. Speaking of gifts, after reading my last entry, my friend Sterling sent over this quote that really summarized the whole thing:

“The weakest among us has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is peculiar to him, and which worthly used, will be a gift to his race forever” – Author Unknown

In other words, we all have something that if valued and properly used, will be of benefit to us as well as the world as a whole.

Random Sidebar: I’ve found that when I write, I tend to go into every detail of my main point as opposed to just getting straight to the point. People can say in a sentence what takes me three pages to say. I’m a firm believer in overkill simply because it leaves little room for excuses. If you call a person and say “I’m having a party Friday, come through”, there’s a chance they won’t know what their attending means to you. However, my approach would be to tell them every detail about the party and the importance of why I’m inviting them. Now if they don’t show up, I know we have an issue. I’m all about eliminating grey areas in life and overdoing EVERYTHING is how I go about that.

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Gifts Are Babies….

Posted on June 3, 2010 by phella

This is kind of the latest concept I’ve been thinking of lately. I keep trying to tweek it before writing about it so I don’t say anything misleading. Basically, I believe any GIFT is a baby in the sense that in order to reach it’s full potential it must be protected, nurtured, developed, loved, and the list goes on; just think of anything a good parent would have to do his or her child in order for the child to grow into something the parent will be proud of.

Recognizing and Defining Gifts

For those who have them, a child is probably THE greatest gift of all, in my opinion. But their plenty of other gifts we receive. Talent would be one. Friendships and relationships are another. Our bodies are another. Then the list goes on. Some people, however, don’t recognize these things as gifts; and there lies the problem. How do you spend time caring for something you don’t see as a gift?

Examples: A child isn’t a gift, it’s a burden – let’s throw her away or put her up for adoption. My ability to teach people isn’t a gift, let me not learn more, let me just keep quiet. This person I’m dating isn’t a gift, I wish they would stop stressing me, let me just leave them. My body isn’t a gift, let me eat and drink whatever. This vocal ability of mine isn’t a gift, why should I waste time trying to sing?

For as long as we don’t recognize what our gifts are, we’ll never be able to devote to them the type of attention and care they deserve. They’ll never end up being as beneficial to us as they could have been. We’ll either end up neglecting them, misusing them, or wasting them; probably a combination of all three.

Bad Seeds

Nine times out of ten if a parent fails or neglects to protect, nurture, develop, love etc, their child, that child won’t ever grow to meet his or her true potential. The child won’t be what the parent probably wished he or she would be. The world is filled with adults that weren’t given the proper care as children and have now become detriments to society.

The stakes are equally as high when we don’t recognize these other gifts. I look out my window here in Jersey sometimes and see these apartment buildings with probably over five hundred units. These buildings house human beings just like you and I.  All of them have gifts just like you and I. Some probably were able to dance, some sing, some practice medicine, or law, or jump out of the gym like Vince Carter. You’ve heard these people “maaaan back in the day I used to be able to…”. Now they just wake up every morning and head to jobs they don’t like and live lifestyles they’re not proud of. Why? Because at some point they lost sight of their gifts.

Just like babies aren’t easy to develop, neither are gifts. You have to wake up every morning and work towards making that gift blossom. If a person is a gift, call them. If your body is a gift, eat, sleep, and drink well. If your mind is a gift, exercise it. If your computer is a gift, don’t put it on the floor at Starbucks while ordering your frappucino. The price of neglecting a gift is heavy. Either you’ll lose it completely or it will stay with you as a beat up and watered down version of what it could’ve been e.g. kids who give their parents problems, broken computer screens, minds unable to process information, unhealthy bodies, less than wicked jumpshots.

They don’t call bad children “bad seeds” for no reason. They weren’t planted properly. How the hell are they supposed to some how then grow into anything special?

Crawl Before You Walk

Once you recognize your gift, you can’t rush it. Would you rush your baby to grow up or cherish the days and watch him/her develop? Same thing with talent, same thing with relationships/friendships, jobs, and whatever gifts we may receive. These are things that are supposed to get better with each passing day if you do the work to make them better. A 1 year old 80 year old man is not only impossible, it’s not smart. Go ask Benjamin Button. Rushing and being too aggressive with gifts sometimes is the best way to lose them. How many people have we seen chase down record deals only to never be heard from again? They failed to nurture their gift. They tried to make a 1 year old 80 years old.

Some Gifts Are Worth More Than Others

Here’s where it gets tricky and I’m still working on this aspect of the theory. In the sense of children, we tend to say they’re all equal. A mother must show the same amount of time to each of her children. I think that sounds good in theory but in reality we know that parents have favorites. If not favorites, at least the one they see the most potential in. Doesn’t mean to give up on the rest, just means to treat the best like the best.

So in the sense of other gifts, we must also be able to recognize what isn’t a gift, or at least what isn’t OUR gifts. Basketball wasn’t my gift, no matter how hard I tried. It belonged to LeBron James, Kevin Durant, and some other kid who’s at a park shooting jumpshots right now. My gift: Using entertainment, fashion, business, and whatever else I have at my reach to reach people. So just like the smart parent, I devote most of my time to this. I still do other things but I know my best gift now so I treat it as such.

Same with relationships. Sometimes we have more than one person that captivates our interest. How do you decide which one is the true gift, if either? Usually the best way to recognize a gift is that it keeps finding you. In fact, your first encounter with it wasn’t something you planned; it just sort of happened. To say we can go around choosing our gifts would be defying nature. It just doesn’t work that way. So with that said, the person you lusted over for years and finally are talking to nightly on the phone probably isn’t the gift. It’s probably the person you met when you least expected it. The friend you deal with because you make money together probably isn’t the gift. It’s probably the friend you can call when you don’t have a dollar to your name.

Gifts are somewhat difficult to identify but all it requires is patience. Then once you recognize them, give them the care and effort they deserve and I guarantee you’ll reap the benefits.

Sidenote: I got a roadtrip to make so I’m cutting this short. More on it later…..maybe.

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Wise Words From A Decent Man

Posted on June 1, 2010 by phella

pickture-workshop

That’s what I believe you’ll be receiving if you attend the above. My friend and business partner Kunle Oki, founder of Skc, will be taking things to a new level next month when he hosts his inaugural workshop at the University Of Maryland. This isn’t a business website, but more so a place where I share my personal experience, thoughts, and ideas with the world. So in that spirit, I won’t go into any further detail about the workshop, instead I’ll share a bit of my personal experience with the man that’s hosting the workshop.

Since our initial meeting at Howard University last Fall, Kunle and I have discussed theories and philosophies on everything from women, to of course, business. Mostly what we discuss is life as a whole and ways to make it work for you. A few examples are below.

This of course is me paraphrasing and giving my interpretation of some our conversations. I don’t know exactly the format of the workshop but I would hope some of this gets shared:

Emulate Nature…Accept Nature

To emulate nature means to be natural. Nature is unpredictable. Nature is caring. Nature can be seen as harsh. Nature doesn’t stop for anything or anyone. Nature is capable of so many different things and is unapologetic for it. If we adopt the characteristics of nature and apply it to how we live on a daily basis, success and happiness will NATURALLY follow.

Give People What They Deserve…Only Accept What You Deserve.

Believe it or not, we’re only given what we deserve in this world. To give a person more than what they deserve would be cheating yourself and setting yourself up for disappointment. To give a person less than what they deserve would be cheating them and setting yourself up for resentment. Whether business, personal or in between, give only what is deserved and you’ll be able to live with the outcome. How many times do you hear a woman saying “I gave him the best ten years of my life then he cheated on me”? Hate to break it to you lady, but he probably didn’t deserve the best ten years of your life. You made an error in judgement and gave someone more than what they deserved. Whether a job, a relationship, or a business transaction, if you’re receiving less than what you deserve and you’re aware of it, you’ll begin to feel resentment. That resentment can turn into hate. Hence why most people “hate” their jobs. They feel they deserve better.

To take it further, only accept what you deserve. Sometimes if we play the wrong cards well enough, we can get lucky. What I mean by that is, sometimes we take on more than what we deserve and feel because it worked that we’re entitled to it. I’ve been down that road quite a few times and it’s fun up until nature kicks in and reminds you that you never deserved such. One of my favorite recent rap lines is from Malice of the Clipse:

“With a family of 4, never did I deserve a two seater Porsche”

How crazy is that?

Levels Of Trust

Trust doesn’t have to be so hit or miss. We always say “I don’t trust this person” or “I trust this person with all my heart”. Those are two extremes and extremes are rarely the way to go. The theory Kunle shared with me is that it’s okay to trust a person 10%, maybe 20%, maybe even 100%. You make the call, then act accordingly. You wouldn’t ask the 10% guy to take your daughter to school; her safety can’t be at 90% risk. But perhaps that 10% is enough that you’ll invite him to an event you’re having, knowing there’s a 90% chance he won’t show up. If you look into the crowd and see him, be thankful. If you don’t see him, shrug your shoulders and keep it moving. This scale can be adjusted as frequently as it needs to be. Sometimes the 100% trust people in our lives show that they’re really just 50% trust people. You quietly scale it back and proceed. No need to fight or argue, just accept.

Those are just three concepts that I can think of off the top of my head out of hundreds. I believe as long as we’re learning and unlearning in this world, we give ourselves a good shot at prosperity. Friend or no friend, business partner or no business partner, Kunle is a guy you can learn and unlearn from and I’d encourage you all to inquire about the workshop if it interests you.

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1st Of The Month

Posted on June 1, 2010 by phella

The Temptations might have had sunshine in the month of May but I didn’t. It was a cloudy and dark month for me, especially the last 7-10 days of it. If it could go wrong, it went wrong. You know over on this side though, we understand fully that “bad” things are going to happen; it’s a fact of life. Inevitability. However, as I often say, an experience is only bad if you allow it to be.

Like I said in that “Find Your Love” freestyle I did the other day, “a stumble is life’s way of telling me that I need to tie my shoes, so I can move, at a quicker pace…..”. Well I got the message loud and clear and my shoes are tied tighter than ever. And we’re moving at a quicker pace. Let’s go.

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Note To Self…

Posted on May 31, 2010 by phella

It’s 5 in the morning, I just ate my Cheerios, waiting for the gym to open up, and my mind is racing. Figure I’d write out some basic notes to keep in mind this Summer in case I get off track. They’re mine but they’re yours too if you want them.

1. The best resource I have is myself.

2. Time is my friend as well as my enemy.

3. No one should ever outwork me. Do more, maybe. Say more, probably. Outwork me, never.

4. Distractions are distractions.

5. I’m not the best; therefore I must continue to strive to be.

6. NEED is a strong word. It should be used wisely.

7. Highlight clips usually consist of made shots. Misses mean nothing in the long run.

8. Never stop fighting. Fight self, fight temptation, fight something.

9. Remember not just the goal, remember the importance of achieving it.

10. Laugh, then make others laugh. Think, then make others think. Don’t cry; don’t make others cry.

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