I’ve lived a great life. Nothing has gone according to my plan. – Me

You love struggle. – My friend 6S during one our many half funny, half serious conversations.

To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in the suffering. – DMX

The integrity of the self depends on the ability to take neutral or destructive events and turn them into positive ones. Getting fired could be a godsend, if one took the opportunity to find something else to do that was more in tune with one’s desires. In each person’s life, the chances of only good things happening are extremely slim. The likelihood that our desires will be always fulfilled is so minute as to be negligible. Sooner or later everyone will have to confront events that contradict his goals: disappointments, severe illness, financial reversal, and eventually the inevitability of one’s death. Each event of this kind is negative feedback that produces disorder in the mind. Each threatens the self and impairs its functioning. If the trauma is severe enough, a person may lose the capacity to concentrate on necessary goals. If the impairment is very severe, consciousness becomes random, and the person “loses his mind”. In less severe cases the threatened self survives, but stops growing; cowering under attack, it retreats behind massive defenses and vegetates in a state of continuous suspicion. – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Cheating Chaos

6S is almost right. I do love struggle but that’s because I don’t quite view struggle as struggle. I view it as one of the most essential parts of life. Don’t get me wrong; when things don’t go my way, I go through it like everyone else, but I quickly remind myself that it’s ok and will be ok. I’ve learned over time to embrace the inevitable chaos and disruption of order that we all have to face. I love finding meaning in that complexity and turning it into fuel to make my life and other’s lives better. So much so that I almost seek it now which is why a lot of people think I’m crazy. It’s just that most of the greatest things I’ve experienced in life have come as a result of struggle. I owe struggle, pain, chaos, plus my survival of them most of the credit for my growth in life. That along with unshakable faith that things will always go according to plan, just not my own.

We all make plans and have an idea of “perfect” in our minds. We combine what’s wired in us already with societal influences and develop a plan of how life ideally should go. Often we get so attached to those plans that we fail to see warning signs when it’s time to change directions. Or if circumstances out of our control change directions for us, we panic, become frustrated or withdraw and succumb to the chaos. Don’t do that. It’s natural to feel depressed for a while after chaos strikes but don’t stay there. Get back up and continue to move forward until one day the meaning behind that chaos comes to you. I can tell you firsthand that on the other side of potential disaster awaits a lot of greatness for yourself and others. You have to remain calm enough and believe in yourself enough to not simply endure but go a step further and find ways to embrace it.

Anyone who exercises regularly will tell you that in order for your body to grow and achieve results, you can’t do the same workout forever. Eventually your body will get used to it and then you have to introduce some chaos to it in order for it to start growing and developing again. That’s how the mind works, that’s how the body works, that’s how relationships work, that’s how life works. “Can’t run from the pain, go towards it”, like Jay-Z once put it.

As a bonus here’s an excerpt from the book, Flow:

In the beginning, fires started as random: volcanoes, lightning, and spontaneous combustion ignited fuel here and there, and the energy of the decomposing timber was dispersed without purpose. As they learned to take control over fire people used the dissipating energy to warm their caves, cook their food, and finally to smelt and forge objects made of metal. Engines run by steam, electricity, gasoline, and nuclear fusion are also based on the same principle: to take advantage of energy that otherwise would be lost, or opposed to our goals. Unless men learned various tricks for transforming the forces of disorder into something they could use, we would not have survived as successfully as we have.

Till next time. It’s still peace and it’s still love.

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A strong safety on the other hand is one who is assigned to a specific side of the field, or who already has a defender designated to them. Valuable but not quite as much as the free safety whose job it is to protect the entire field.

In life terms, our free safeties are the people who allow us to live our lives with confidence and pursue goals and aspirations with vigor and enthusiasm knowing we can fall back to them. They are, by nature, encouraging and protective over us. They get on us when we miscalculate or fail on an assignment but only with the intent of making us better next time. Free safeties see things we can’t see. They become our peripheral vision and extra set of eyes on this turf call life. Their game is mostly built on intuition and instinct. They see danger? They tackle it. See a threat coming? Intercept it.

The key now becomes two fold: choosing a good free safety that suits your style of play and also allowing them to do their jobs. Some of us go about life thinking we don’t need a free safety until one day life loops a ball over our head and scores a painful touchdown. Then we wish we would have had someone back there to protect us. Some of us have free safeties and don’t allow them to do their job properly. We get in the way or get too comfortable and wave them off prematurely. Other times we think we can have more than one but that doesn’t work either. Eventually the two will collide and you’ll be left with none. Or you’ll have strong safeties playing the free safety position they don’t belong in.

Most of our friends are strong safeties. Their range is a bit limited. They’re there when it’s time for parties and time for laughs. Occasionally we’ll share something deep with them but with caution to not reveal more than they can handle. With free safeties, however, the range is endless. You don’t have to think around them or use much caution. It’s a free and safe zone where all is welcome. From the back field where they stand observing, they see all our weaknesses and vulnerabilities so trying to hide them is pointless. Furthermore, free safeties love their job. They’re so in tune that they can sense when things aren’t right and unlike other positions who may do the bare minimum, they feel somewhat responsible anytime something bad happens.

Back in the day Bill Withers sang “we all need somebody to lean on”. Michael Jackson’s “Will You Be There” captured the same emotion in the 90′s. And Jay-Z more recently said, “whateva she lacks, I’m right over her shoulder and when I’m off track, (she’s) keeping me focused”.

The bottom line is we all need a free safety, it’s why we come into the world with a built in one, our mother’s. Over time, for some sooner than other’s, we defect from our mother’s and have to find a new free safety ready for the day to day struggles we’re facing. If there’s a lack of trust, lack of communication, or lack of respect, the whole operation is in jeopardy and you’re probably better off without a free safety for some time. But eventually you’ll need that protection, that coverage, and that safety again. They make wins more frequent, losses easier to accept, and this game of life that much more fun.

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“We don’t care what people say” – Kanye West

“He had a Mercedes sports coupe with no license plate on it. I think he felt the normal rules just didn’t apply to him. He always kind of felt ‘I don’t succumb to authority’.” – Walter Isaacson, Steve Jobs biographer on Steve Jobs.

“I know fear is an obstacle to some, but it is an illusion to me…” – Michael Jordan

“F*ck the world if they can’t adjust” – Tupac

“I believe that the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity is daring to dare.” – Maya Angelou

Every great hustler, athlete, poet, entrepreneur, or happily married couple believes that the rules don’t apply to them; they’re correct. They don’t apply. They abandon the norms society has established for them and live the life they want. I’d like to emphasize that what the heart wants is usually different from what the mind wants. The heart is designed to want the best for us. So you must first be able to connect with that then you can proceed with breaking laws with the assurance that the heart will never steer you wrong.

I’m not saying for everyone to go out there and go do illegal things after reading this. That would be being a rebel without a cause and that’s not cool. You need a cause first. That cause could be that you want to build fast, good looking computers. That cause could be that you want to be the greatest basketball player of all time. It could be that you want to share your poetry or art with the world. It could be that you want your relationship with someone to work. Once you’ve decided on a cause, now it’s law breaking time.

You don’t so much have to break laws as much as you have to disregard them while establishing a set of your own. A set of laws that align with your goals and aspirations. There are a lot of guidelines implemented by society to keep us in check. These guidelines are by society for society in order to keep things the way they are. Not for you and I to achieve wealth, true freedom and happiness.

As Freud and many others before and after him have noted, civilization is built on the repression of individual desires. It would be impossible to maintain any kind of social order, any complex division of labor, unless society’s members were forced to take on the habits and skills that the culture required, whether the individuals liked it or not. The most effective form of socialization is achieved when people identify so thoroughly with the social order that they no longer can imagine themselves breaking any of it’s rules.

In making us work for it’s goals, society is assisted by some powerful allies: our biological needs and our genetic conditioning. All social controls, for instance, are ultimately based on a threat to the survival instinct. The people of an oppressed country obey their conquerors because they want to go on living. 

When they do not rely on pain (or punishment), social systems use pleasure as the inducement to accept norms. The “good life” promised as a reward for a lifetime of work and adherence to laws is built on the cravings contained in our genetic programs. Practically every desire that has become part of human nature, from sexuality to aggression, from a longing for security to a receptivity to change, has been exploited as a source of social control by politicians, churches, corporations and advertisers. (Paraphrased from the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)

What all of that is saying is that as humans we have a natural desire to not experience pain and to be rewarded. Based on that, society is able to keep us in line by the threat of punishing us if we do certain things and to reward us if we do other things. Do “this” and you will one day be rich with a big house and happy family. Problem is most people who end up doing “this” end up anything but rich with a big house, and definitely don’t end up happy. Why? Because “this” wasn’t designed for that person. “This” was designed by society for society.

In order to experience true success and happiness, you need to develop your own set of rules and guidelines that align with your goals in life. I’m not saying drive 120mph down a busy road. Unless your goal is to die tonight or go to jail then that probably isn’t what your heart will tell you to do. What it will tell you to do are things that will have you experiencing life to the maximum which will enhance your creativity and ability to relate to others. This will in turn attract whoever and whatever you want from life.

To do this and to do it well, you have to be willing to pay the price of being out-casted, laughed at, and looked at as weird. You have to be willing to lose all you ever had in order to gain what most will never have, complete freedom and complete happiness. Not to mention probably a ton of money and recognition along the way if you so desire. If your goals are similar to that of an MLK or Malcolm X, you may even have to pay the ultimate price with your life but even then it’s still a greater life than had they conformed and lived the lives society expected of them. Imagine where you or I would be had they done that.

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The moral of the story is to be weary of anything or anyone that you have to hide from those who truly love you. I’ve had more than enough Simba moments to know that you always pay the price. I stress the word “have” because sometimes there are things we choose to keep from our loved ones for their own protection or because it hasn’t reached a stage where we can clearly explain it to them. For instance, when you first start dating a person or working on a new idea. But if you’ve been with someone for some time or you do something on a regular basis and no one who truly cares for you knows about it, that thing is probably going to cause you major trouble somewhere down the line.

This shouldn’t be confused with needing approval. Your loved ones don’t have to approve or necessarily like everything you do but if they don’t know and can’t know, then you should probably reconsider.

Sometimes we’re not even conscious of it; like a young child who gets isolated from his or her family by a predator using candy or promises to take them to a better place. Often times, we move away from love to harm because harm is disguised as something good. It’s one thing when you’re 4 or 5 and we can only pray that most young children won’t have to face such decisions, but as adults we all need to be aware enough and wise enough to know when we’re thrusting ourselves into danger and away from protection.

And for those who believe in God, if you have to hide it from God, you’re really screwed. God sees all.

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I did a small photo shoot the other night wearing my friend Chris’ clothes. Chris Powell is a friend from high school and the founder of Unique Legacy. Chris always had hustle back in the day, always selling clothes or something. I was a bit more reserved but I always observed what he did and respected it. Plus we played basketball and stuff together often so that’s where the friendship came from.

After leaving school Chris and I lost contact because he headed overseas to serve in the armed forces and I was here at home performing my less risky services. At some point one year we crossed paths at Prince Georges Plaza mall and Chris had some of his face peeled off and that’s when he explained to me that he had been fighting in the war. My respect for him shot through the roof and we exhchanged numbers and vowed to keep in touch.

After the mall meeting, Chris began to keep up with what I was doing and for some reason looks to me as a source of inspiration as he now has started his Unique Legacy brand which houses several businesses including the clothing, community work and a Media & Entertainment group. Chris definitely doesn’t lack in ambition and we often meet up when our schedules allow it to trade stories and notes from books we’ve read.

The reason I’m so interested in Unique Legacy is because it’s from home and it’s positive. If you know anything about DC and PG culture, we had a bunch of street clothing lines in the 90′s and early 2000′s from Shooters to Hobo and many more. Problem is most of them used to be too expensive and the clothes were cut just for the streets of DC and PG. Now it looks like Chris is taking that inspiration and designing it for fashion ave. My number one rule for marketing or selling anything is that I have to like it and believe in it. I like and believe in this stuff. Feels good, looks good and comes from a good place. Those are all the ingredients you need to be successful.

So maybe not today or tomorrow but one day if you wanna add to your clothing arsenal and support a fellow DC area hustler who served our country and is now looking to do something positive in the community, I suggest you get your Unique Legacy on.

www.uniquelegacy.com

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I’m an old soul. Been one since I was born. If I had my way I’d probably have been born in the 70′s or something.

But, maybe this isn’t so bad after all. I started writing this because I was reflecting on how a lot of my peers and close friends are living their dreams and doing so many positive and exciting things as they figure themselves out in this world. In the process, these people are advancing culture, making a better world and building careers and legacies.

They are designing clothes, creating and performing music, writing blogs, capturing moments on camera, organizing great events; the list of things is endless. Some, like yours truly, are even daring to do all of the above. If I see a need for something and I’m capable of doing it, I’m probably gonna do it. A lot of my friends feel the same, some are just at different stages or have yet to figure out how to allow their circumstances to work for them. But as long as the intent and effort is there, it’s going to come with time.

At one point, most of us were just out for fame and fortune. We just wanted money and shiny things, and to be known. We wanted what we saw on TV during the golden era. The golden era, for those not in the know, is that era most of us 80′s babies came up in when it seemed money was being handed out to whoever wanted it. Ferrari’s, Lambo’s, MTV Cribs and such is what we went to bed thinking about and discussed the next morning at school. Then the video chick got introduced to us and all of us guys wanted one, or two, or three.

Somewhere along the line though, we may have not completely lost those desires, but I think they’ve given way to realer things. The happiest we see Jay-Z is when he’s with his wife. Puff’s last album, Last Train To Paris, was front to back about how life without love is nothing. His Twitter page is half promotion, half positive energy. Kanye West unfortunately lost his mother and split with his girlfriend and welcomed all of us to heartbreak.

We’ve seen a lot of the other guys who had it and put too much stock in it, lose it. Gravity has caught up to most of them and the re-po man has towed away the vehicles they would’ve used to escape. The big ass jewelry now not only looks silly but it’s been sold a long time ago to keep up with house payments. That one house. The blogger chick who walks around with a camera and uses her creativity to direct videos now seems more appealing than the video chick who gets $500 per, and that’s when she can find work.

Not only has the appeal for such things died down but so has the cost of things. Some of the dopest fashion now can be put together for under a grand. A quality music video can be shot for a lot cheaper than you think (shout out Fresco and Matt). VIP ain’t the same no more. There’s more people there than in general population. A photo with a celebrity? We all have them now. Still cool but not the monumental thing we once thought it was.

On the flip side, have you listened to music lately? It’s awesome. And most of it we’re getting as gifts; not having to pay a thing. Have you seen some of the photos these kids in SoHo take, or the words some of these aspiring writers put together? True inspiring and thought provoking work is being handed out for free. Guys who used to risk life and limb on the street are now able to apply that same hustle and savvy to build legal empires. Girls who thought hoeing was the only way to get attention are realizing that letting the diamond in their head shine is how you get real quality attention.

If you told anyone that a boy from Riverdale Rd would be 24 now and still yet to sip a drink or use drugs, they would have said “impossible.” I’m not supposed to be vegetarian. I’m not supposed to go to bed early and wake up early to workout. I’m supposed to at best, be 300lbs driving a Navigator, dropping off some whatever to such and such then coming home to play playstation while shorty heats up the wings and fries. That was the life we aspired for and to anyone living that life, I salute them. Can’t even knock it. But I now know there is better.

At worse, I’m supposed to be in the grave like all the ones we lost or the countless others who are staring out a small window wishing they were free. Either that or living a life molded for me by a society that never took my measurements. But I’m not. Exposure has allowed us to see our worth and the endless possibilities we have.

Please don’t call me a hypocrite next time you see me in VIP or if a Ferrari drives past and I say I want one. Or if ever you see me smoking or drinking (which you probably won’t). I’m not knocking anything, I’m all for it actually. Matter of fact, a popular video model stared me down viciously at Whole Foods the other day and it was the highlight of my day.

What I am talking about here is value. I may have enjoyed her stare but took it no further and didn’t place any real value on it. If this had been some years back, I woulda done anything to get her to give me some play so I could talk about it. Now that such things hold no real value, at least not to me, I put my hat down lower and continued scooping my pineapple rice and samosas.

The value of real has gone up. People living truths and telling truths are at a premium. It’s cool to be who you are and do what you want. No pressure to do anything harmful or negative. Change if you want. Stay the same if you want. And I believe that is the essence of freedom.

But call me crazy.

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Damn Shame

I can’t think of many things that shame me. I’m proud of myself, proud of the people I call friends, proud of my work, overall, just proud. Obviously there are a few things I wish I could have done differently but the fact that I learned from those errors and plan not to make the same mistakes makes me proud.

I notice a lot of people walk around with shame. Maybe shame about who they spend their nights with or the kind of job they do. Basic rule: If it shames you, don’t do it. If you can’t stand in front of the whole world and proudly say that you’re doing this thing, don’t do it. We feel shame when we know we can do better and when we feel we’re in the wrong. It’s like natures built in check engine light. It tells you when you’re living a lie, could be doing better for yourself or engaging in an act you shouldn’t be engaging in. At that point the choice is yours whether to respond to that check engine light or keep living in shame. I can tell you firsthand what happens when you ignore a check engine light for too long…it doesn’t end well.

When I first moved to New Jersey and was struggling to connect the dots financially, things got so shaky at a point that I was working on getting “a regular job” for the first time ever. I was going to work at a Dollar Store close to my apartment in the evenings and do what I did for my company in the day. Somehow someway that never came to pass but I assure you I would have done with great pride if that’s what it came to. I put regular job in quotations because there’s no such thing as that for me. Even at that Dollar Store, I would have worked so hard and been so creative that it wouldn’t have lasted long. I would have either made enough to move on or I would have become part owner or something.

Through Da Fam Sports Group, I get to be around a few pro athletes and call some of them friends. The sports world is so competitive that it’s not uncommon for guys to go a year or two without quality work. You can go from earning six figures one season to your mothers couch the next if you’re not careful. It always bothers me when I see guys hanging their heads when this becomes the case. We all catch tough breaks but the result isn’t hiding in the house so people don’t see you. I once worked for a company backed by a billionaire where we had access to any celebrity and any party in town. My Blackberry used to ring off the hook. I left the job and everyone and everything disappeared. Just me, my mother and brother in our small cramped up apartment. No one called, no one emailed. No head hanging went on though. I used the newfound quiet time to build a better body, better mind and lay the blueprint for what Da Fam is becoming today.

That’s the point I’m making. Regardless of where you work, what you do, or where you find yourself, if you’re doing the absolute best you can, there is no way on earth you should be ashamed of it. Guy A says “I pick up trash for a living. I hate it, man, but it gets my bills paid.” He’s working just for the money and not enjoying the process therefore getting no fulfillment from the job and living in shame. Guy B says “I wake up everyday and do my best to keep this community clean. Drives me crazy to see a street littered with trash but I feel so good after I pick up that last bottle and see people’s faces when they walk out to a clean neighborhood. I love it.” Same exact job, two completely different approaches to it. Guy B is happy, he’s proud and his energy alone will attract a pay raise and one day he’ll own his own sanitation company. Guy A will eventually quit and move on to the next job that he’ll half ass and be ashamed of.

Another example: I’m with a girl that I’m ashamed to be with. Is she ugly? Nope! I’m ashamed because her and I have nothing in common and I’m with her for reasons other than me liking who she is. I’m with her simply to fill the void that my ex left or to have someone who does my laundry. That’s a life of shame. Same exact girl gets with a guy who adores her and likes her for her. He’s over his ex and he can do his own laundry. That guy will proudly be with her with no shame whatsoever and that relationship will be far healthier and fruitful than the one I had with her.

(Editors note: That was just an example. I ain’t with no girl I don’t truly like. Would never waste my time or someone else’s like that.)

Don’t cheat yourself, don’t cheat other people, and don’t cheat your work. In your work, in relationships, and in daily activities, make sure you’re doing what makes you happy and what makes you proud. If it challenges you, improves who you are, you’re working hard at it and enjoying it, you’ll be proud. But proud should not be confused with boasting. Most people who boast are the one’s living in true shame. And remember, we’re trying to damn shame, not live in it.

Peace + Love

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I was telling her that’s how life is on the edge. That’s how I live. One good move and I can be up for a long time, one bad move and I can be down for a long time, possibly forever. So, my friend asks, “what then is the purpose of living on the edge?”. My reply, “for the view”. That’s really all it comes down to. Those who play it safe and stand where there’s no chance of falling to their death never quite get the experience that living on the edge provides. Their stories aren’t the same. The quality of life is almost cheated in my opinion. You’re not getting the full view of life. You’re not realizing your strength. You’re not developing trusts in your instincts and exercising faith in the universe.

I’m not here to encourage everyone to tightrope 100mph on the edge of the Grand Canyon the way I sometimes do. But I am saying that a life without risk comes with very little reward. You want to maximize the time you’ve been given on this planet and sticking with the status quo and playing it safe and being a follower does anything but that. Just be careful who you choose to allow on the edge of life with you. It’s so delicate and fragile up here that you want who will catch you and never let you fall, not who will send you plummeting or put so much of their weight on you that you end up jumping or returning back to the safe zone.

Happy Living.

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It’s even worse when your suggestion comes with no basis whatsoever…her reason why I NEED to go back to school? So we can have a party. I guess it’s in her best interest since she’s a caterer. Forget that since leaving school four years ago due to reasons she’ll never know I’ve done more to upgrade my life and the lives of others than I could have ever done if I would’ve stayed. Forget that if I stay alive long enough I’ll soon be able to help thousands of people better their lives. Forget that I’m very happy and I’m a better human being physically, mentally and spiritually since I decided to teach myself. Forget that celebrations and parties annoy me. Forget all that…I NEED to go back to school so she can party.

Joke or no joke, she’s on the list.

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It’s been fun spending most of my summer with the cool kids over at Tumblr, but class is back in session for me and not a moment too soon. I enjoy the freedom of posting random songs, photos of people and things that catch my eye, sharing some of my own art, and interjecting short thoughts here and there. However, if you’re a writer, you must write. Some like my friend here and my other friend here are able to write freely on a forum like Tumblr with no problem. For me, however, I need this little hub we’ve created over the years. There’s history here. 400 plus posts worth. And it’s Summers end, and it’s the brink of Fall, and I’m 9 days away from my 24th birthday. Overall I just feel a big transition period coming and I wanna document it. I wanna share my learning’s along the way in the hopes that you’ll take something from it as usual.

Thanks to all those who have basically commanded me to start writing again. I thought I was done and I honestly wanted to be done but when you have a responsibility to do something, what you want really doesn’t matter. Sharing my inner most thoughts when life gets as interesting as it’s gotten over the past few months isn’t the most comfortable thing on earth but I live for discomfort. It usually leads to great comfort. So let’s rock. Thanks for caring.

Peace + Luv

P.S. The tumblr ain’t going nowhere. Still plan on being active there. But you know, home is home.

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